Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
