it was like his penis was on wheels.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
