I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
