At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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