if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
