Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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