i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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