If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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