Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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