Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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