I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
