you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
