There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
