sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
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