i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
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