If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
