Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
This toilet bowl is my home.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
