I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
