its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
