We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
