I'll bet she douches with gravy.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I love having hate sex.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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