So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Houston, we have a blender
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
