I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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