it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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