Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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