You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
