one might say we're banned from that church
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
