Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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