Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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