I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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