He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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