Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
