His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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