Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Houston, we have a blender
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize