apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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