so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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