Cold hands, warm shart.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
This is my gift to your gina
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
