I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i would punch a child for taco bell
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
