TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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