Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
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