hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize