if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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