We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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