She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
