guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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