I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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