She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
