yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
We left an ass print on the piano.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
