Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
