I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
