I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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