Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
You can't motorboat a personality
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
