I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
