I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
