How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize