I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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