If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize