then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize