I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
