you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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