the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
