You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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