Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
