Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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