Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
