why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
