You don't have asthma, your pregnant
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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