Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
My vagina is very pro this idea
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
