if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
