If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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