God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
