drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Panties = found
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