Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
