You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
