i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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