ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
